


String of Memory

by ArrowAceAroAce



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A Happy Memory, Friendship, Frumpkin (Critical Role) is an Emotional Support Animal, Gen, Huh apparently that is a tag which has been used before and its accurate, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 23:24:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20281597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowAceAroAce/pseuds/ArrowAceAroAce
Summary: Caleb's new Jacket arrives and triggers a memory. In hindsight even happy memories can hurt. Luckily he has a growing support system (1 familiar+friends) to help and be there for him





	String of Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I'm pretty new still to this whole writing fic thing. I think my tags encompass what they need to? The panic attack is mostly just the aftereffects, or idk, maybe it's not a panic attack?? Who really know what an emotion is Anyways, it's 4:30 in the morning and I need to be asleep, so I'm gonna post this and assume y'all know what you're doing more than I do. G'night, hope you enjoy the Frumpkin fluff and maybe the rest of the fic too

A package sat waiting on Caleb's bed. Wrapped in an almost paper-like material he had never seen before. Like many of the oddities he found himself facing here in Rosohna, Caleb put it aside as something he would have to examine later, in the meantime, his only interest lay within the package. 

He sat down next to the small bundle, and then gently picked it up and placed it on his lap, ready to untie the knot which tied it all together…

He hesitated for a moment, two moments, feeling something tugging at his memory. His hand hovered above the gentle bow resting atop the package. Then, reaching down, he pulled one end of the bow and untied it all in one smooth pull. As he pulled the string the wrapping fell away, and as the wrapping fell away it was as though a shroud across his memory was also pulled. It was as though he wasn’t seeing the strange material, but rather the memory of another package tied up in almost the same way that flooded his vision.

-

Bren was nervous. It hadn’t been very long since he’d learned he’d be entering the academy. Everything had changed. Everything he had ever known was about to change- he was going to learn magic. And not just the small tricks he had managed to learn on his own, but actual magic!

He had already learned a little bit. He had found a book of rudimentary magic theory. It discussed the basic components to a couple varieties of spells, and well, that was all the spark he needed to want more. To know that there was so much more out there in the world for him to learn. Waiting for him to find it and to make it his. A world where he could understand the inner workings of the universe. To know which strands to pull and tug to unravel reality or ignite wonder in those around him. And now….

Now he was restless, stuck unmoving for a week. He was not certain why an extra seven days were really likely to affect his ability to learn, but tradition said he could not enter the academy till he was “of age” and of age meant his birthday plus a week. And so here he was. Bored. Bored and restless on his birthday and knowing that nothing he had ever known would ever really change, and that everything he had ever known was soon very much about to change. It was just a question of how, and he couldn’t answer that without the experience. 

It was as he lay there brooding that he heard the front door open downstairs. Bolstered from his boredom, he ran down the unsturdy stairs from his loft. Stumbled through his parents room and then slowed down in order to disguise how eager he was for a distraction. 

As he descended the last of the stairs into the kitchen, he caught his mother humming the tail end of a song. Shyly he approached her and watched as she adjusted a length of twine and tied it carefully into a small and simple bow on top of a bundle of brown paper.

“Hallo Mama”

“O, hallo Brenchen, und wie geht es dir?” She asked.

“O... es geht, was hast du da?” He asked peering around her shoulder intrigued by what she hid.

“Mein Liebchen, es ist einen Teil des Geschenks für dich, aber wir müssen auf deinen Vater warten.”

“Warum kann ich nicht wissen was es ist?”

“Weil es eine Überraschung ist.”

A surprise? Now he was even more intrigued. It was not often that Bren received surprises from his parents. In fact, most of the gifts he had received from his parents over the years had been more or less predictable in their practicality, and Bren found that the combination of his boredom and curiosity made for impatience.

“Aber ich verspreche, dass ich nicht sagen wird, dass es nicht eine Ueberraschung war! Bitte Mama? Bitte?”

“Ich weiß nicht, wirklich sollen wir warten…”

At that Bren deflated a little and seeing it, his mother gave in.

“O Okay mein Liebling, aber du musst es versprechen!”

“Ich verspreche es, ich verspreche!” Reinvigorated, he laughed, and danced from foot to foot in his excitement.

Bren took the package his mother offered to him. He placed it on the kitchen table and pulled up one of the wooden chairs for his mother to sit in. Then, hesitating no longer he grabbed one end of the string and pulled away both it and the wrapping.

-

Caleb is sitting on the floor now, one end of the string still held in his hand. Sprawled across the floor in front of him is a beautiful purple jacket with simple embroidery around the sleeves.  
He doesn’t really remember sliding off his bed, but he definitely had. There are tears in his eyes and he’s still holding one end of the string used to tie the package. The purple jacket just lies there quietly and accusingly. 

Caleb let’s it. Let’s it sit there and remind him of that sun-dimmed afternoon, the stagnant air and his mother’s laughter. Let’s himself get caught up in the memories. There’s nothing that the silent, crumpled form of the jacket could say that he hasn’t thrown at himself before. There’s nothing it could say that he doesn’t know he completely deserves.

It takes awhile and he both is and is not sure how much time it really takes to collect himself. The sunless city doesn’t have the procession of shadows to mark its time, but his internal clock is all but unshakeable. 

He does know that it takes him more than one attempt to stand up and sort out all the various pieces involved with rerealizing himself. He barely even notices himself summon Frumpkin, who sits for a moment observing him before walking over and rubbing against his knee. 

When that fails to get much of a response, Frumpkin jumps up onto the bed and turns to batting at one end of the still hanging string. He manages to catch the string in his mouth and Caleb continues to stare blankly. Frumpkin, with his prey safely secured between his teeth, curls around it and goes after it, digging at it with his hind paws. 

The string seems unphased by his onslaught, but he has managed to catch Caleb’s attention, and that’s all that really matters. Frumpkin pauses for a moment, ears back and string still held in his mouth. Then suddenly he is up again, front legs splayed among the blankets on the bed. His ears twitch trying to ascertain what had caught his attention. Perhaps a noise downstairs? Hearing nothing more, his attention returns to the string which he proceed to trap under his front paws.

Caleb continues to look at him a moment longer with an unnoticed smile beginning to play at the corner of his lips. He gives the string a gentle tug and Frumpkin throws him an affronted look. Caleb pulls at the string again and this time Frumpkin tumbles gracelessly off the bed trying to catch the string as it pulls loose from his grasp.

With that Caleb falls back to the floor once again. Something not quite like laughter, and not quite like tears wracks his body. He sits there shaking against the bed as Frumpkin crawls up onto his lap and places his front paws firmly on his chest. 

The two of them make eye contact and Frumpkin gives an inquisitive mrrp.

“Ja mein Katzchen?”

Frumpkin blinks.

“Well okay then. If you insist.”

Caleb’s breathing takes on a more regular pattern as he sits there, hands running gently across Frumpkin’s fur. Fifteen minutes pass. The only movement in the room is the occasional twitch of Frumpkin’s ears and the smooth breathing of the two companions as Caleb continues to pet Frumpkin.

They would have gone on sitting there, but as with all quiet moments it was eventually interrupted. 

A twitch of the tabby’s ears was all the warning they got before a clambering, not-quite crashing sound came from the direction of the stairs. Then a more startled look from Frumpkin before he scrambled off of Caleb’s lap and up onto the bed above his shoulder.

“Caaay-leb,” there is almost a knock at the door, and then Jester is in the doorway, head peering into the room, “we are going to go find interesting plants for Caduceus’s tea! He wanted to know if maybe you would like to join us or something.”

“Ja-” his voice cracks from disuse and he clears his throat. “Ja, sure, that could be fun.”

“Of course it will be fun, I’m going aren’t I? And why are you sitting on the floor? There’s a perfectly good chair right there dum dum.”

“Oh, um well, I was playing with Frumpkin…” he said holding up the string.

Jester’s eyes got bigger. 

“Frumpkin likes to play?”

“Um yeah, only sometimes really. When he think I might need to be distracted”

Jester came further into the room.

“What did you need to be distracted from?”

At this point, Caleb no longer really has the words to convey what he means anymore and just kinda gestures to the coat lying in the corner.

“You needed to be distracted from a coat? I suppose it does look kinda like Molly’s... Oh. Oh no, now I’m sad. Oh Caleb, this is your fault, I was the one who was supposed to be cheering you up!”

“Oh ah, that is not actually why, but also how did you know I needed cheering up? I thought we were just going to go shopping?”

“You alll-ways need cheering up Caleb. It’s just in your nature. You’re a little bit mopey.”

“Ah well, that is true I suppose.”

“It is true Caleb. You always look as though someone has killed your cat. Which isn’t fair, cuz only sometimes has someone actually killed your cat. And he comes back.”

They pause for a moment. An unsure silence between them until Caleb asks,

“What about you Jester? Do you need cheering up?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe?” She sits down next to Caleb, mirroring him with her arms around her knees, then continues, “Sometimes I think that the happiest I’ve ever been has been with you guys. But then other times I think I just really miss my mama and wish I could go home, you know?”

“Ja-” His voice catches again and he looks once more at the coat on the floor.

“But then I also know that if I never left home I never would have met any of you! And I never would have gotten to see all kinds of new things, like Yarnball and Sprinkle, and Nugget and even Professor Thaddeus was really cool!”

“Are all of the things worth seeing only pets?”

“Well I mean, it’s been awhile since we’ve found a bakery that’s any good”

“Ah, true.”

“And there were some pretty cool caves while we were coming here, but like, actual parts of the cave did try to kill us, and Yarnball would never…”

A chuckle came unbidden to Caleb’s lips, and with that a smile cracked wide across Jester’s face.

“Hah! See! I knew I could cheer you up!”

Still laughing Caleb said, “I dunno Jester. I am awfully morose. It might take a little bit more to cheer me up.”

“Well then, you better come with me. Lot’s of, well, not sunshine technically, but I’m sure fresh air is supposed to do something even if there isn’t any sun. And anywho” she said flashing a wicked grin, “time with me is always fun!”

Caleb smiled at her sadly and said, “Well that is definitely true, and if it’s cleric’s order then I suppose I ought to quit hiding in here and come join you on your tea buying adventures”

“I mean, technically we’re not buying tea, just plants to make into tea, but it will be an adventure!” 

And with that announcement she stood back up with a flourish.

“Are you bringing your new coat?”

Caleb looked down at it once again, hesitated, and then reached over to pick it up.

“Ja, just a moment. I’ll join you downstairs once I’m ready to go”

“Well, don’t take too long. And also, I know you haven’t had nice things very much, but they stay a lot nicer if you don’t just keep them crumpled up on the floor where it’s dirty.”

“Thanks Jester”

“I mean really, it’s no wonder your other coat was so messy if you didn’t know that actually.”

“Thank you Jester”

“The floor is where the dirt is Caleb.”

“I know that Jester”

“Oh well, okay then. I’ll see you downstairs?”

“Ja, nur ein Moment.”

“Okay!”

And with that she skipped out of the room and clattered back down the stairs.

Caleb breathed in the sudden silence, then proceeded to stand up with the somewhat crumpled, new jacket in hand. 

He held it out in front of himself for a moment and really looked at it for the first time. It was long and sleek, and the material was a lot nicer than most of what he had ever worn. Along the sleeves was some simple embroidery that mimicked the pattern of flame.

Giving the coat a few solid shakes seemed to clear up most of the wrinkles that it had gained in its short stint on the floor. Then, in an almost smooth motion, Caleb swung the coat around his back and onto his arms, causing the tail of the coat to flair nicely behind him. The drama of the motion was only slightly hindered by getting his arms caught awkwardly in the sleeves as he tried to put it the rest of the way on. 

Then, reaching back down to the floor once again, Caleb picked up the string. It was plain and insignificant, and yet for that moment the memory of his mother’s laughter had overpowered that of her screams.

Caleb took a deep breath.

He would keep the string. Perhaps it would be useful someday. Or perhaps he could get Nott something and tie up the package for her. She would probably like that. 

So with vague plans for the future, Caleb made his way out the door wrapping the string around his wrist as he went.

And if his breath hitched just a little as he tied off his improvised bracelet in a small bow, then it was unimportant because the only one there to notice was Frumpkin.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I know some people post translations of what's said in different languages at the end of fics sometimes, but I'm gonna be obnoxious and not do that cuz I think the fic probably still makes sense even if you can't understand all the German. Also just, as always, I'm self-conscious about my German speaking skills, so if there are any outrageous errors (which I don't think there are) know that I would love to fix them. (Wenn es kleinen Fehler gibt, verstehe, dass ich auch den korrigieren wollen wird). As for the English grammar, I haven't taken an English class in multiple years and the english languag can suck my-


End file.
